"Stick , stock , stone dead."

brought to you by Tommy

          The librarian I work with brought in some old books she was getting rid of, suggesting we trade them for store credit at the used bookstore.  One of the treasures I nabbed for myself was a 1967 paperback edition of a book called English Fairy Tales, originally published in 1898.  It's beautifully illustrated and full of violence and things we now consider inappropriate for children's stories. 

          Even just the titles of some of the stories are worthy of a few snickers.  Here are a few:

          Tom Tit Tot

          Titty Mouse and Tatty Mouse

          Kate Crackernuts

          The Ass, the Table, and the Stick (there must be a pornographic version of this one)

          And of course there's this little fellow, who you just know gets up to all sorts of dirty, filthy nastiness:

          He's so naked and hairy!

          I also have some favorite lines I'd like to share with you.  The first is a repeated poem from The Rose Tree:

          "My wicked mother slew me,

          My dear father ate me,

          My little brother whom I love

          Sits below, and I sing above

             Stick, stock, stone dead."

          Yikes!  It's actually a song sung by a little white bird, who happens to be the ghost or reincarnation of a murdered little girl who seeks revenge on her wicked mother and father. 

          The Story of the Three Little Pigs begins with this vice-filled rhyme:

          Once upon a time when pigs spoke rhyme

          And monkeys chewed tobacco,

          And hens took snuff to make them tough,

          And ducks went quack, quack, quack, O !

          Who would have thought monkeys and hens used to be such thugs!  Monkeys, sure, I guess I can imagine them chewin' the 'baccy and spittin' it in the dirt, but it surprises me to see the hens acting like such bull dykes.

          I jest about the inappropriateness of these old tales, but I know many of us agree that fairy tales, and children's stories in general, lose their power when neutered and toothless. 

          The world is sometimes violent and unfair, people kill other people and even harm themselves in miriad ways.  Kids totally know that.  If you pretend otherwise, you lose your credibility with them.

          So I say, Why not scare the shit out of the little fuckers, and have some fun while you're doing it?

P.S.- I'm available for preschool storytimes.  Call me!