FEBRUARY GETS UGLY

This is my favorite part of the main bulletin board.
          When it comes to bulletin boards and displays, there's too damn much going on in February, and the color schemes are not complementary.  There's Valentine's Day (which is lame in real life, yet easy and fun to make displays for), Presidents' Day (February 21st), Chinese New Year (February 3rd), and it's also Black History Month.  Chinese New Year and Valentine's Day share the color RED as a common scheme, but the rest of all that crap ends up being an uneasy smear of browns and oranges if you're not careful.
          George and Abraham certainly were not fashionistas.  But I've done what I can.
           Don't ask me why David Sedaris is thrown in with the rest of these things.  I think one of our Library assistants suggested it, using the logic that Sedaris has that new book about squirrels and chipmunks, and Squirrel Day was on January 21st.  But then I just left him up there and stuck him with the bunnies for Year of the Rabbit.  I don't think he'd mind.
The main bulletin board in all its February hideousness.
          Behind the circ desk I created a little nod to Valentine's Day, complete with a romance genre poster.  Whatever.  That's one of those genres I cannot, nor will I ever, be able to tolerate.
           Having had a very recent conversation with a student about gay issues, in particular how tough dating/romance can be for gay teens, I thought it would be nice to make sure the Library was INCLUSIVE in its representation of Valentine's Day.  I spotlighted 2 books from our collection for each orientation: 

BOY + BOY:
The God Box by Alex Sanchez
Icarus In Flight by Hayden Thorne

GIRL + BOY:
I Heart You, You Haunt Me by Lisa Schroeder
Forever by Judy Blume

GIRL + GIRL:
Annie On My Mind by Nancy Garden
Keeping You a Secret by Julie Anne Peters

          Many of the kids have definitely noticed the display, especially the "Boy + boy" part.  Most reactions have been very positive, but the first day I put the display up one of the boys made a point to recoil and act freaked out, saying, "Boy plus boy?  Girl plus girl?  Wow, that's WEIRD..."
          I said, "What's 'weird' about it?" and looked him right in the eye, waiting to see what he'd say.  Another student standing nearby piped up, "Yeah, what's WEIRD about it?" which I thought was cool.  The boy stammered, "Nothing!  Nothing's weird about it.  Nevermind..."
          I thought to myself, That's right, bitch.

(Please ignore the unsightly stack of papers to be recycled at the bottom right)
           We needed to update our "Coming Soon" board, and like usual, even BEFORE I was done lettering everything the kids were eagerly asking about the titles.  The last Alex Rider (Anthony Horowitz) book is coming out in March, and I think 9 books in a series is quite enough.  Ranger's Apprentice (John Flanagan) is finishing with book #10 in April, and I think that's TOO many books.  But that whole series is wildly, relentlessly popular in our library.
          I don't think I could make it through a 10-book series now.  I've read some fantasy/sci-fi series as an adult that stretched to 5 books, and that seems like an accomplishment.  But these are smaller, teen-level books, so I guess it's different.  When I was still in elementary school I'd read all the Narnia books, all the Prydain Chronicles, and all 14 original Oz books by L. Frank Baum.
          So anyway, there's February.  The end.

ALA MIDWINTER 2011 JOURNAL

My publisher, Dan Vado, who never wears ties, at the SLG booth
          The day before I set off for a 2-day stint at ALA Midwinter I said to my husband, "Okay, I don't want you to think you're not welcome or that I don't want you there, but I think you would be really, REALLY bored.  This won't be like Comic-Con where there's something for everyone.  This will be LIBRARY in the butt and up the ass, LIBRARY wall-to-wall, no escape from LIBRARY," or something to that effect.
          He quickly decided to fore-go the trip.  I was relieved, because I knew I would want to stay until the bitter end both days, and would be unsympathetic to cries of, "I'm bored, I wanna go home!"
          I drove all the way to San Diego and back by myself both days like a big grownup boy.  I did not get lost, I did not cry.  I listened to the new Duran Duran album in my truck, then Courtney Love & Hole, then a Eugene Mirman comedy CD.

          At the convention I helped Dan, my publisher, work the SLG Publishing booth.  He explained that this was a "trade show," so we weren't really going to be selling anything, it was all about promoting new books, and giveaways to get Librarians excited about stuff.  (Nobody digs free shit like Librarians)  
           Speaking of free stuff, I am obviously a LIBRARY SUPERHERO because I returned home with 190 free books for the school library.
          It was a pretty small booth, but looked very nice, and we were right next to the Disney/Hyperion booth.  Because we're BFFs.  Anyway, at the SLG booth we ended up giving away 250 copies of "The Royal Historian of Oz" #1, and I signed most of them for lots of really nice, gracious people.  I used a green Sharpie a friend gave me, because that's appropriate in an Emerald City kind of way.

          I ran into a bunch of people I knew, such as two Librarians from my school district, some friends of friends who are big Oz fans, a bunch of people who work in the same public library where I had my first job as a Library Tech, and even a girl who saw a presentation I gave in Chapman University's Leatherby Library a few years ago.
          As well as signing my own comic book I was trying to be helpful by giving out SLG catalogs and hyping the other cool books they publish.  I made little tags for some of the books to catch the discerning eyes of Librarians.  Things like:

"Reviewed in BOOKLIST and Publisher's Weekly!" for Elmer by Gerry Alanguilan

"Listed in YALSA's Top Ten Great Graphic Novels For Teens!" for Pinocchio Vampire Slayer by Higgins and Jensen

"By Printz Award-winner Gene Yang!" (for some graphic novel I can't remember the name of now, but it's done by Gene and some other dude)  Gene won the Printz for American Born Chinese, which really is a great book, and deceptively simple until you get to the end and see how it all ties together so cleverly. 
This one is not published by SLG, but I GUESS that's okay...

"GIRL POWER! (Strong Female Protagonist)"  for Shadoweyes by Ross Campbell

"First graphic novel sold in Rock & Roll Hall of Fame!" for Punk Rock and Trailer Parks by Derf

          Gentle reader, wasn't that nice of me?  To help promote these other fine works of graphic novel goodness?  I think so.

RANDOM CONFERENCE HIGHLIGHTS:

*     John Shableski hung out at the SLG booth a lot.  He's the sales manager in charge of selling graphic novels to the book market for Diamond Previews, which is a really big deal if you know anything about comics, because they're THE distributor for the comics industry.  He was wearing a baseball cap that said, "LIBRARY" across the front of it, so I was nerdily jealous of that.  It came from the nice guys at "Unshelved," and although they didn't have any on hand, they said they'd send me one.  They did give me a little "Intellectual Freedom Fighter" ribbon to put on my convention badge.


*     I was signing comics for some people, and I noticed the guy who was next in line looked kind of familiar.  When he was asking me some very nice questions about Royal Historian and I was signing his copy, I noticed his name tag said "T. Jefferson Parker."  I was like, "Dude!  You're T. Jefferson Parker!  My mom and I went to one of your book signings, like, 15 years ago!"  In case you don't know, he's a very successful mystery writer.  Turns out he's really nice, too!


*     A serious-looking young man in professional attire got all excited when he noticed my name badge, and said, "You're Tommy Kovac!" in exactly the same way I had said, "You're T. Jefferson Parker!" earlier.  It was very flattering, and he was super nice.  He's read all of my comics, and even most of my zines!  I gladly signed a "Royal Historian" for him.  I really hadn't expected to run across anybody THAT familiar with my stuff.

          Since it was just the two of us running the SLG booth, Dan and I had plenty of time to talk about stuff.  He's trying to appeal to the Library/Education market as much as possible, and had this great idea to create study/discussion guides for some of SLG's graphic novels. He was talking about wanting to come up with a template, and I said excitedly, “Well, Dan, I’ve already DONE that for you!”  
          I grabbed a copy of my Skelebunnies graphic novel collection, which he had UNDER the table, because apparently it's so vile and naughty he was afraid it would spook the Librarians.  (It probably would)  I showed him the very last page, which is a “Teacher’s Guide To Using Skelebunnies In the Classroom.”  He seemed surprised, and admitted that he had somehow missed seeing that when we published the book.
          As he read it, he noticed that even though it's obviously a parody, I play it off very seriously.  
          By the next morning he had already started one for “Elmer,” using my Skelebunnies parody as a real template.  And you know I love that.

          We went to dinner Saturday evening after the convention hall closed down, at a funky little Chinese restaurant & bar.  Dan almost choked to death on this horrible Korean steak with kim chee. Violently coughed up a ball of it, and had to EXTRACT it from his throat with his fingers, the fermented cabbage (kim chee) making it look like he was giving birth to a Lovecraftian tentacle god through his mouth. Hideous. He was humiliated and kept apologizing, and I couldn't stop laughing. I told him that was the greatest gift he could have given me, to embarrass himself so in my presence.
(this is exactly what the coughed-up Korean beef looked like)
  
TOTAL LIBRARIAN MOMENT:

          In the lobby outside the convention hall they have kiosks set up at intervals where you can quickly grab something simple like a Diet Coke, a cookie, a cup of self-serve coffee or whatever.  The keyword is "quickly."  They're super stripped-down versions of Starbucks and Mrs. Fields, staffed by distracted teenagers and exhausted non-English speakers.  Little more than wheelbarrows with fancy umbrellas.
          My point is that you can't expect quality or service.
          I had scoped out a Mrs. Fields kiosk just outside the convention hall door from the SLG booth, so once in a while I would trot out there, ask for a Diet Coke or a cookie, and be on my merry way back to the convention.
          One time I ended up behind a birdlike, slow-moving librarian with frizzy hair. She was hovering in front of the kiosk with her awkward bags and purse, making it hard to tell if she had completed her transaction, or was just confused, or what.  What I did know was that she was in the fucking WAY, and I wanted to just get my Diet Coke and zip back into the convention.  
          Finally "Frizzy" began fumbling in her purse with some wadded up dollar bills and paid the poor kiosk worker, but not until after she had thoroughly questioned the total.
          Then Frizzy moved over to keep a keen eagle eye on the kiosk worker making a hot chocolate for her.  I was tapping my foot, checking the time, wondering how many free books I was missing out on.
          "Excuse me," Frizzy whimpered.  "Excuse me, is that my hot chocolate you're making?  Because it doesn't look very chocolatey..."
          The kiosk worker glared at her.  I glared at her.
          "Did...  Did you only put ONE packet of chocolate in?  Because it looks very light.  I like mine to be very chocolatey.  Do you think you could put another packet in?"
          The kiosk worker explained calmly that they only use one packet per cup.  That's just what they do.
          "Oh, really?  Only one?" Frizzy continued to whine.  "Because it just doesn't look very chocolatey..."
          Not really knowing what to say, the tired kiosk worker just handed the cup over, slowly, in silence.  Frizzy slumped away, and I was glad she didn't get more than her one allotted chocolate packet.



SAME TO YOU, BUDDY:
 

          Later in the conference, a creaky gray-haired man staggered over to the SLG booth and asked what we published.  We tried to explain "comics" and "graphic novels" to him, but he seemed slightly bemused, and mostly uninterested.  (Let me also mention that Dan has been in business with SLG for 25 years now.) The geezer turned his nose up at us as he began to lurch in the other direction, and quipped over his shoulder, "Well...  Hope ya make it."
 

GENRE : Dystopian fiction

          A Librarian friend and I have created (and presented a workshop on) a bunch of really great "Recommended if you like" lists, or "RIYL" for short.  We presented at the California School Library Association conference, and have continued to work on building our collection of genre lists.  We format them as double-sided bookmarks, with the genre heading and an illustration/picture on one side, and the list of titles on the reverse, and leave them out on the circ desk for students to browse through and keep.  What's really great is when you see kids keeping the bookmarks and checking off each title as they read their way through the list.  (Examples of some of our list titles: "Have You Mythed Out?" "Read the Movie," "RIYL Tim Burton," "Sugar and Spikes," and "Define Normal")

          When the English classes are studying 1984 they all start asking for books "like" 1984, which is a pretty specific sub-genre of science fiction, or rather speculative fiction.  It gets pretty sticky.  If you just do a general search in the library's database for science fiction, you get way too much, same with using "future" as a keyword.  I've started manually adding "dystopian fiction" in the cataloging records for any books that fit the bill, so it's quicker & easier to find them. 

          Here's an updated version of our Dystopian Fiction bibliography:

UTOPIA or DYSTOPIA?

What does the future hold?


The Diary of Pelly D by L.J. Adlington
Feed by M.T. Anderson
The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
Oryx & Crake by Margaret Atwood
Fahrenheit 451 by Bradbury, Ray
The Roar by Emma Clayton
The Supernaturalist by Eoin Colfer
The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
The Maze Runner by James Dashner
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep by Dick
Little Brother by Cory Doctorow
The City of Ember by Jeanne DuPrau
The Ear, the Eye, and the Arm by N. Farmer
The House of the Scorpion by N. Farmer
The Dirt Eaters by Dennis Foon
The Beach by Alex Garland
“Gone” series by Michael Grant
Among the Hidden by Margaret Haddix
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Epic by Conor Kostick
This Side of Paradise by Steven L. Layne
The Cure by Sonia Levitin
Fearless by Tim Lott
The Giver by Lois Lowry
Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry
Messenger by Lois Lowry
The Resistance by Gemma Malley
The Road by Cormac McCarthy
The Secret Under My Skin by J. McNaughton
Z for Zachariah by Robert O’Brien
1984 by George Orwell
Witch & Wizard by James Patterson
The Adoration of Jenna Fox by Pearson
Last Book in the Universe by Philbrick
The Forest of Hands & Teeth by C. Ryan
Unwind by Neal Shusterman
“Virtual War” series by Gloria Skurzynski
Truesight by David Stahler
War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells
“Uglies” series by Scott Westerfeld
The Bar Code Tattoo by Suzanne Weyn
Storm Thief by Chris Wooding
*All titles found in our Library*

          At first it was kind of fun, and I was finding plenty of books, but then I started noticing that there are numerous sub-genres of what I guess would fit under the umbrella term "speculative."  Things like post-apocalyptic, steampunk (all the rage now), etc.  And just because a novel is set in the future, does that automatically  make it utopian/dystopian?

          Even some English & Literature teachers have a hard time defining the parameters of general "science fiction."  I bossily intervened earlier this year when one of our English teachers claimed Jurassic Park was NOT science fiction because it's not set in the future.  She told a student he couldn't use it for a sci-fi book report, and since that teacher is a pal of mine, I emailed her several different comprehensive definitions of sci-fi from several different sources, to show that sci-fi isn't just future fiction.  Her reply was, "I think someone has waaay too much time on his hands over there in that library..."

          Which was funny, but unfair.  Isn't that the kind of thing we library people are SUPPOSED to care about?  Isn't that why we're here?  To be anal-retentive about literary details, definitions, and labelling?  (I have many thoughts & ideas on labelling.)  Anyway, she conceded the debate and let the kid use Jurassic Park, so...  I win.  Probably mostly because she doesn't really give a shit, as long as the kids are reading and comprehending.

          (And by the way, unfortunately I now feel compelled to work on a list of science fiction that deals specifically with genetic engineering, cloning, stem cells, etc. starting with Michael Crichton's books.)

          But back to dystopian fiction:

          I know everyone's batshit crazy for the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins, and it's obviously THE dystopian teen series at this time.  I'm sure it's great, but the concept just makes me think of Battle Royale by Koushun Takami, which was originally published in Japan in 1999, almost a decade before The Hunger Games.  I haven't read Hunger Games yet, and I never will because I'm totally sick of hearing about it.  (Note: I did read Collins' Gregor the Overlander and totally loved it) 

          I'm sure what differentiates Hunger Games most from Battle Royale is that it's more palatable to teachers and librarians.

          Therefore, if I decide I want to read about teens having to battle to the death for survival in a harsh future, I will read the more controversial and possibly distasteful Battle Royale.  Because that's how I roll.


GRIM DAYS IN THE LIBRARY

          The first day of winter break one of our senior boys was killed in a car accident, along with his father.  It was around 5 am on Saturday, they were on their way to a speech and debate competition, and a drunk 18-year-old with only a learner's permit ran a red light and plowed into them.  Both father and son were pronounced dead at the scene, but of course the drunk who killed them was unharmed.
          The boy who died was a great kid who seemed genuinely nice and humble, and excelled at everything.  What happened was awful, and shouldn't happen to anyone, but he was so well-loved by the entire student body and faculty who knew him that it really sent shock waves through the whole school community.  I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for his mother and sister, to lose both of them at once.  They were so stunned and unprepared for it that our principal and assistant principal had to help them plan and organize the funeral.  A Memorial Fund was also set up because the family (mother and sister) really need help now.  The father had recently cancelled his life insurance, and on top of that I heard he was the family's only source of income.
Oxford Academy Boosters Inc. - 
Douglas Uselton Memorial Fund
c/o Oxford Academy
5172 Orange Avenue
Cypress, CA 90630
          Our first day back to work we had an emergency staff meeting so our admin could debrief us on what happened and bring us up to speed, as far as fund-raisers and crisis response.  I found out about the tragedy the day after it happened from students on Facebook, but some of the teachers I spoke to were unaware until the emergency meeting was called.  We were introduced to a team of crisis counselors (about 6 or so) who have been here for the past two days.
           Since the counselors needed somewhere to meet quietly with kids, they're using the library and we've had to cancel two days of class visits, and keep it closed except for before and after school.
          It's been an awkward two days, with me trying to work around the counselors and grieving students.  The librarian hasn't been here, so they're using her office to meet with some kids, but that's also where I have my coffee pot and the refrigerator and microwave.  My breaks have been tricky.
          They are also meeting with kids at the back of the library, in two little reading nook areas we have set up on each side.  This morning I was trying to get some of the shelving done, which had majorly piled up since a ton of books were returned right after winter break.  But it felt weird creeping around in the stacks and trying not to eavesdrop on the students behind the shelves.  I could hear them talking quietly and crying.  It was making me nervous, and I kept fumbling the books I was shelving, dropping a few of them noisily.  I felt like an asshole, so I just said, "Fuck it," (to myself) and slinked back to my desk.  This is a very SMALL library, so it's hard to be inconspicuous and out of the way.
          I waited until the counselors were between sessions, and then quickly shelved the stuff closest to those reading nooks.
          To make things thoroughly miserable in here, the air conditioning is out of control and it's FREEZING.  Totally arctic.  It's a typical institutional set-up, so the air is usually blasting on cold days, and in the heat of summer it hardly works at all.  I don't usually feel the cold so much, because I move around a lot.  But right now I'm pretty much confined to my desk.  And I'd normally be playing my iPod in its little blue docking station at my desk, but I feel I probably shouldn't do that while there's grief counseling going on in here.  
          So...  I'm sitting here freezing in silence and trying to find stuff to do at my desk.
          I thought maybe I could use this time to explore the website for ALA Midwinter, which is this weekend, to figure out which things I want to make sure to see, but the school district's internet crapped out.  It's practically unusable right now.
          So here I sit, knowing that my ridiculously minor complaints pale in comparison to what that poor family is going through, wondering how it must feel to be so blind-sided by tragedy, and returning to my minor complaints because at least it's something else to think about.

ALA MIDWINTER CONFERENCE!

          SLG finally confirmed that we'll be attending ALA Midwinter (booth #1903), so I'm totally excited.  Nerdily, bookishly excited.  I get to be a "creator" on Saturday January 8th, and sign my books for anyone interested.  I also volunteered to just work the booth, as a staff member, at least one more day.  Dan (my publisher) told me he'd be going alone to this, and would appreciate any help he could get.
          The side benefits for me are that I get in for free through SLG, which means I get to go around the exhibitor hall grabbing any free books I can for the school library.  And when I went to ALA before, they gave out LOTS of free books.  Which is great because we seldom have an actual book budget. 
          Having said that, we did just receive about $1600 total through two different sources, but that was unexpected and certainly not something we get on a regular basis.  And anyone who buys for a library, public or school, knows that doesn't go as far as it sounds.
          Now I get to check out the ALA website and find out if there are any exciting authors scheduled to be there, in case I want to be a fanboy and get signed books or something.
          This will be the first time SLG has shown at ALA, so Dan asked me if I had "thoughts" about it.  I responded immediately with a bossy list of suggestions.  How to display, what to display, etc.  I also suggested he come up with a flyer highlighting some key books, with all the order info.  And I said I thought neon lights and small fireworks would be a nice way to draw attention to MY books.  But I was just kidding.  Maybe we could just put my books on some sort of platform that rotates slowly.  Under a spotlight.
        

MOTHER GOOSE : racist bitch?

          While working in the junior high library about a decade ago, I happened to discover this tarnished gem called Mother Goose's Nursery Rhymes, published in London in 1924, by Adam and Charles Black.  (I'll refrain from making an obvious joke about the publishers' last name, but you may do so if you wish)  I idly flipped through a few pages and luckily found the following illustration:
(Click to enlarge and read the charming caption)
          I think I probably said, "Oh, SHIT!" to myself, and took it straight to the Librarian.  But not before showing it to all of my teacher friends.  I think most people of my generation and older ones are familiar with the "Ten Little Indians" rhyme, which seems offensive enough by today's standards, but this may have been the precursor.  I wonder if it was changed from this version to the Indians version, to make it seem less offensive?  Or maybe there are various versions of this rhyme, one to offend everyone.  "Ten Little Homos" anyone?
It's just vile, right?  I mean, seriously.  WTF?
          Of course we immediately pulled it from the library's collection, and I do NOT feel bad about that.  Maybe I would have thought harder about whether or not to remove the book if it were found in a high school library, because older students would hopefully be mature enough to understand it in a historical context, and might even be able to use it in some kind of report on changing social perspectives or whatever.  But in the junior high library I think it would have the potential of hitting some poor kid like a punch to the gut.  Either that, or they'd read it and then punch ME in the gut, thinking I endorse that kind of thing.

          Apparently even way back in 1924 the Brits who published this book realized some of the content might be a little... edgy.  From the very last paragraph of L. Edna Walter's introduction:

                    If one or two of the rhymes strike a modern ear as
                    being somewhat crude, it must be remembered that they
                    are old, and it was felt that they ought not to be omitted
                    from so comprehensive an edition.

WHAT EVERY LIBRARY WORKER LIKES TO HEAR

          One of my favorite students recently got to take an all-expenses-paid trip to Abu Dhabi, because she applied to NYU's campus there, and made it through the first level of screening.  (http://nyuad.nyu.edu/)
          She brought me back this lovely postcard, with a sentiment written on it that totally made my week.
A postcard from the student's trip to Dubai, although she was staying in Abu Dhabi

          The sentiment reads:
          "Dear Mr. Kovac- Thank you for being a fellow bibliophile, sharing your theories on bibliotherapy, and being a good friend.  And once again, thank you for the beautiful cover art!"

          The cover art she's referring to is an illustration I did for the cover of the school paper's December issue.  She's the Editor-in-Chief, and had asked me to be a "guest cover artist."  :)
          And if you don't know what "bibliotherapy" is, Answers.com defines it as:

A form of supportive psychotherapy in which carefully selected reading materials are used to assist a subject in solving personal problems or for other therapeutic purposes.
 

HOLIDAY HAMSTERS

          In my post about holiday decorations in the 'brary I forgot to include the two hamster mini-erasers on top of my computer monitor, and their hand-crafted Christmas tree.
They had a mini-eraser pumpkin for October/November, but I didn't have a mini-eraser Christmas tree, and had to use construction paper and the magic of Baby Jesus

BULLETIN BOARDS & DISPLAY : Christmas

          I'm careful to only put displays up that mention "Winter Break" or "the Holidays," so I don't make anyone feel excluded regarding whatever their religious or non-religious deal is.  But I know that personally I'm not religious, and Santa and his reindeer were NOT present at the supposed birth of Baby Jesus, so I think it's okay to have those elements on display.  Anyway, here's what I put up this month:
The big central bulletin board, with Krampus and Narnia
          The Krampus is a real German Christmas legend/tradition that I incorporate every year because it's so freaky and fun.
I drew this Krampus depiction a few years ago, to terrify all the little children
It was way too fun for me to draw this frightened, crying little elf
The glass display cabinet with our tree and our Secret Santa gifts packed inside
          The last couple years we've started this cool tradition with the class that meets in the library 4 days a week.  (It's kind of like a homeroom class)  We do a Secret Santa gift exchange, and as soon as the kids start bringing their gifts in, we put them under the tree in the locking cabinet.  So the cabinet starts out kind of empty-looking, but fills up by the last day before Winter Break, when we have our gift exchange.
Well, they DO
Every library should have a glowing deer to preside over the graphic novels & comics
It's a little lackluster in execution, but I like the idea
I'm big on promoting the idea of "leisure reading"
Christmas lights strung behind the circ desk
This is my end-of-the-day, running low on holiday steam, WTF decoration.  Are they candy canes?  I think so.
          And of course I had to decorate myself a little, since I was wearing a green tie and needed something red.  Plus I just like any excuse to use my old-school Dymo label maker with interchangeable colors.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS - READ A BOOK"

CHRISTMAS CAROLS & LIBRARY TURDS

A certain friend of mine who works at a certain public library not far from here sent this email to me, and I just had to share:

          "Someone took a SHIT last night in the library.  Way back in the 001s.  Probably while we had the High Madrigals in the lobby singing holiday tunes.  Pooping takes time... they had to yank down their pants, do the deed... wipe?... pull pants up.  Then of course a skinny, clueless Page stepped in it without realizing and tracked poop all the way to the Circ desk.  Gah.  We've had patrons leave poop on the floor of the men's room, of course, but not back in the stacks."


P.S.- this makes the title of my blog very relevant.

HORSEPLAY

          About a decade ago when I was working in the junior high library, I had a student library aide whom I will call "Jack."  He was a lot of fun to have around, but not very serious about professionalism in his capacity as a library worker.
          A few days ago I was going through some old files and discovered this far right-hand slice of a photograph, featuring the very sassy "Jack" in rare form.  I wish I could remember the circumstances of the photograph, but all I remember is that it was taken with my camera, and the Librarian and I were too focused on whatever was in the foreground to notice Jack's peripheral contribution until later.  
          There was a post-it attached to the slice, a note to the Librarian.  I had written an assurance that I DID speak to Jack sternly about his shameful shenanigans, and gave him a detention, but could I please keep this sliver of the photograph?  Because it's pretty funny.
Young man, you should be ashamed!
         

DEWEY WOULD ROLL OVER IN HIS GRAVE

A Librarian in our school district (I have changed her name below to "Priscilla" for privacy) sent this really bitchy email to one of my fellow Library technicians (whom I have dubbed "Ernestine," also for privacy).  I happen to be friends with "Priscilla," and worked with her for years, and somehow never saw this scary, intense side of her.  That's why I think this is so funny.  (And by the way, I made up the names "Reginald" and "St. Didacticus," too.  But wouldn't that be great if there really was a school called St. Didacticus?)

Ernestine,
It is VERY important to teach the students how to shelf read and the proper order the books should be in. 
Do not assume they know, you must go to the shelves and SHOW them. 
I checked Reginald's shelves and he was not instructed on the order.  For example he had 745.6 before 745.44 or 745.59 since he thought the number 6 is smaller than 44 or 59. 

It is 745.01 before 745.10   It is digit by digit
745. 02
745.03 etc. 
745.1  
etc.  

I will bring the instruction manual from St. Didacticus for you to go through and then you can teach the TAs.  This is very important and we can't assume they know what to do simply by saying "go put the books in order". 
This is the only section I got to.  I don't know how the others are doing. 

Thank you for your attention to this important matter.  
Priscilla
Don't.  Do it.  WRONG.

FOUND COMIC

I found this on a scrap of paper by one of the student computers after school: 

Let me walk you through my interpretation of this:  The figure on the right appears to be mildly annoyed at first, and tosses something (sushi? a bento box?) at the figure on the left.  Although the figure on the right is now delighted by his own antics, the figure on the left becomes large and freaky with anger.  Suddenly, the figure on the right is tiny, dwarfed by the fiery wrath of the figure on the left.  It is wordless, yet profound.

SOMEBODY SHOULD CLEAN THAT UP

          This post is dedicated to Julie, who understands personal filth, and also likes peanuts.

          When it's finally time for my lunch break, I put the closed sign out, turn the main lights off, and retreat into the narrow little storage/workroom at the back of the library, locking the door behind me.  That way I don't hear the phone, or the walkie-talkie, and even if someone brazenly demands that a custodian unlock the library to track me (or something I'm in charge of) down, they will be foiled.  There is no sign of me.  Short of a family emergency or a terrorist attack, I AM NOT TO BE BOTHERED.
          In my secret Library Cave it's just me, whatever book I'm currently reading, my snacks, and a cup of coffee.  Perfect.  The book is the most important element.  That, and the silence.
          The problem is that I'm not good at covering my tracks.  I usually don't put much thought into what to eat at work, so it ends up being whatever unhealthy, messy thing I happen to grab on the way out the door.          
          And I have two speeds: "On," and "Off."  Which means when I'm "Off" (during my lunch break), I am REALLY off.  Meaning I toss food wrappers on the floor because it would be too much effort to throw them away.  And if crumbs and globs tumble to the floor I just ignore it.
          And then there are the frequent ant invasions.  I don't blame the ants, they're naturally attracted to sticky crumbly food messes, and I leave plenty of those.
          Here's where the peanuts come in:
 
          Anthony's birthday was circus-themed, so we had lots of unshelled peanuts to snack on, so much that I ended up with several bags of them after the event.  I took some to work with me and stashed them in the back storage/workroom.  When I'm reading during my lunch hour I don't want to have to put my book down, so I ended up clumsily breaking into the shells with one hand, gobbling the peanuts, and making a mess of the shells all over the floor around me.  There's no trash can back there, because I don't want it to look like I actually eat lunch there.  It's supposed to be my secret hideout.
          But I spent several days in a peanut-eating frenzy, scattering crushed bits of peanut shells all over the floor, and just kind of never cleaning it up.  I don't know why.  I guess I was just way more focused on the book I was reading.  It looked like rats had gotten into the storage room.  What human being would make such a splintery, shredded mess all over the floor?
          When my lunch break was over, I'd get up, look down, and think, "Gross!  Somebody should clean that up..."
          One day I showed my Student Library Aide the workroom, because he had to help me get some boxes from back there.  He stopped, noticing the organic mess around the small table and chair.
          "Wow...  Somebody made a real mess back here!  What are all these peanut shells...?!" he asked innocently, perplexed and seemingly affronted.
          My face flushed red, and I felt like a teenage boy whose mother had discovered his hidden stash of (gay) porn.
          I confessed quickly that it was actually ME who made that mess, and immediately got down to business moving the boxes, trying to distract the lad from thinking too much about how disgusting and trashy Mr. Kovac is.
          Later I went back into the workroom alone, staring at my filth and wondering why I'm like that.  My mom is very tidy, my dad is very tidy, and they certainly tried their best with me.  My husband was very tidy when we first moved in together, but slowly my tide of clutter and careless filth overwhelmed and defeated him.  (He's still alive, but not as tidy.)
          It didn't occur to me until the next day that even though I was embarrassed at having my mess discovered, I STILL hadn't cleaned it up.  The only reason I even thought about it was because miraculously, overnight, the mess had been totally cleaned up by someone else!  The carpet was vacuumed, no trace of peanuts or shells remaining.  I realized the custodians must have discovered my terrible secret at last, and added that back workroom to their nightly cleaning route.
          The shame hit me like a punch to the chest.
          Every day now, whatever mess I make back there is cleaned up by morning.  Did they tell anybody?  Do they even care?  This is an exceptionally clean school, so I'm afraid my trashiness MUST stand out.  I should change my behavior, become cleaner and pick up after myself.  Eat less weird candy and snacks.
          But here is what my secret hidden workroom desk looks like right now:
Bag of Peanut M&Ms and Cracker Jacks (Halloween leftovers), and a truly disgusting mug of mostly-eaten potato soup, with trash stuffed in it.  When I finally cleaned it out, I discovered MOLD growing in it.  Yay!

Wrappers from the Mexican peanut candy I stole from the Edgar Allan Poe "Dia de los Muertos" ofrenda.  Also Peanut M&M wrapper, dirty napkins, stray paperclip and some kind of dark yarn.
           At least there's nothing on the floor, though.  Well, maybe a few broken shards of pretzel crackers.  If questioned, I will suggest that rats must be living in the Library's air-conditioning ducts.

(Follow-up topic: PEANUTS.  Is it simple coincidence, or fate that leads me to eat so many peanut-related foods?  First peanuts in natural form, then Peanut M&Ms, then Mexican peanut candy...  Why is this a theme in my life lately?)
      

DETENTION TEARS

 “AS A VAMPIRE FEEDS ON BLOOD, SO DOES THE LIBRARY TECHNICIAN FEED ON THE TEARS OF THE YOUNG” 
-from the Malleus Librarium, by Tater Lumpkin

          Monday during our busiest stretch of the morning, when we have about 50 kids all packed into this little library, I gave a detention to a 7th grade boy.  He cried, and I offered the barest of reassurances, staring down at him stonily.  Welcome to the harsh realities of life, kid.
          Here is how the absurd events played out:
The common stapler, a seemingly benign office tool
          We have ONE stapler on the circ desk that is for student use.  They are supposed to use it AT the desk.  The Offender (name withheld) made his first mistake by carrying the stapler to the back of the room with him.  When another student asked for the stapler and I found it missing from the counter, I yelled,
          “Whoever took the stapler from the desk needs to bring it back up here NOW!”
          No response from the Offender, but then some kids started muttering that someone had the stapler at the back of the room, and they were still using it.  I have no patience for this kind of thing, especially when I’m busy and there are 50 kids to supervise.
          “Whoever has the stapler needs to bring it to the desk right NOW, because there are other students who need to USE it!!!”
          Finally a helpful girl went over to the Offender, who I finally noticed.  He was trying to hide behind some other kids at the back while he finished his work.  He finished stapling, head down, and the girl took the stapler and brought it up to me. 
          I marched over to the Offender and demanded to know why he had ignored me, and why another student had to bring the stapler up to me, when HE was the one hoarding it.  He offered some lame, whining excuses, which I had no patience for.
          “Well, you get a detention.  Come up to the desk now.”
          He was horrified, eyes instantly red and welling.  I realized he was a 7th grader, a little guy I recognized from a class that meets in the Library 4 days a week.  Tears spilled down his cheeks, and his voice wobbled as he asked, “Will this go on my permanent record?!”
          I sighed, and assured him that it would not.  He asked if I would have to notify his parents, and I answered, “Not unless you fail to serve the detention.”  As I filled out the scary white/yellow/pink triplicate detention slip, he tearfully asked where to serve the detention, and when.  He’d never had one before, and had no idea what to do or where to go.
          I took a small amount of pity on him and assured him that it was really no big deal, he just needed to serve it and get it over with, and everything would be fine.  As long as he did NOT ignore/defy me again. 
          I’ve only made kids cry a few times in my years as a Library technician, so I thought it was worth mentioning.  Okay, well maybe more than just “a few” times, but probably no more than 10.

DAY OF THE DEAD : "Ofrenda" for Poe

     My friend Christine, the Art teacher, did all sorts of Day of the Dead decorating all over campus, and was kind enough to give us all the makings for an ofrenda for Edgar Allan Poe, complete with (plastic) skeletal remains.  She and her students are responsible for making all the cool stuff.  I assembled it on top of our graphic novels section.
Mr. Poe

      "Ofrendas are an essential part of the Day of the Dead celebrations. The word "ofrenda" means offering in Spanish. They are also called altares or altars, but they are not for worshiping.                
      Ofrendas are set up to remember and honor the memory of ancestors."
"Nevermore"
"Lenore" painted on the mysteriously squished side of his skull

I love the colorful tissue-paper flower garland
     When she was putting up all the decorations late Friday evening, she was on a ladder outside one of the classrooms and the ladder collapsed.  She felt into the wall and then dropped to the ground.  Her ankle is pretty f***ed up, she's sore all over, but at least we don't have to make an altar dedicated to HER memory.
     (I don't know why it is that we school employees tend to flaunt safety so much.  I don't even HAVE a ladder in the library, so I end up balancing precariously on book carts, or even stacking a little rolling library stool on top of a chair on top of a table to reach the higher bulletin boards.  We received a flyer by email a few weeks ago with the slogan, "A chair is not a ladder!" showing how to use a stepladder correctly to reach things, and reminding us to be very careful.  I tacked it to the wall in the back room and ignore it every day.)

Skulls, pictures of the deceased, offerings of food, candy, and drinking water, even flowers and ravens!
      She also did an altar dedicated to Frida Kahlo in the main office, and drew a unibrow on it.  Awesome, right?  And did you notice Mr. Poe has a mustache?  It's amazing it survived even after his skin and organs rotted away.  That is a seriously tough mustache.
      Mr. Poe is dressed in my own clothes, and it felt weird shoving his stiff, awkward limbs into my shirt and pants.  It felt sort of like dressing a child or an old person.  He was so uncooperative I had to pop his hands off and re-attach them after I got the sleeves on.  (I don't think you're allowed to do that with kids or old people.)

HALLOWEEN IN THE 'BRARY

          So before I take it all down, I thought I'd post pictures of my lovely Halloween displays.
The big bulletin board, with mostly hand-made stuff by me.  :)
          I wanted to highlight some favorite spooky authors, so we did shrines to Edgar Allan Poe and H. P. Lovecraft.  I try to turn the older kids on to Lovecraft whenever I can, because he's one of the grandfathers of modern horror, even if most people aren't as familiar with his name as they are with Poe's.

The picture is a postcard from the Edgar Allan Poe museum, and the parchment
document is a reproduction of "The Raven" in Poe's own handwriting.  Both were
procured by the Librarian I work with, because she's cool like that.

I found the picture of Lovecraft online, and printed out information on his works,
and a little explanation of the Cthulhu Mythos.

Glass display case with my mom's feathery-fabulous witch hat,
an awesome rubber skeleton, some legit vintage orange Halloween decorations from
the Librarian, potion bottles, and of course horror stories

Close-up of my bug-eyed bony buddy

The long & skinny bulletin board with some clip-art creations, glitter leaves,
and prints from Chris Van Allsburg's "The Mysteries of Harris Burdick"
          Recommended:  "The Halloween Tree" by Ray Bradbury.  It's a fantastical journey through time and space to the origins (pagan and otherwise) of the season, complete with autumn winds and a haunted house.
One of my favorite children's Halloween books, with a
great cover illo by Leo & Diane Dillon
          And my favorite Halloween picture book is a tie between "A Woggle of Witches," and "A Halloween Happening," both by Adrienne Adams.  I could only find a good picture of the first, though.  It's a shame these books are so hard to come by now, they have really beautiful atmospheric paintings.  If I remember correctly, I think "A Halloween Happening" has the witches throwing a party up in the trees, with lanterns and cool stuff like that.
I totally wanna hang out with these witches

JONI

          My library has a booming donation program, which is sometimes a good thing, and sometimes a dusty, grimy, dead spidery thing wrapped in a clingy layer of dust.  We actually decided to keep this book about Joni, the quadriplegic.  We need more autobiographies since that's an annual assignment for the 7th grade English classes.
          Joni was just too earnestly '70s to pass up, with the Dorothy Hamill hairdo and that grin clamped around the ink pen.  The color scheme of the book makes me think of Holly Hobbie and bell-bottom corduroy trousers.

Oh, Joni...  We're laughing WITH you.
          Incidentally, I just happened to flip through the book to the beginning of chapter 8, which reads:

          When I returned from California, I stoically and glibly thanked God for whatever purpose He had in the fact that I wouldn't get the use of my hands back, that I couldn't ever marry Dick.

          Poor Joni, forever denied dick...

PASSING NOTES IN THE LIBRARY

          My Library T.A. brought me two blue Post-its he found in one of our library books while he was shelving.
          The first says:

"OK so the story so far is : a girl asked me out, the she broke up w/me, the she want me bak, then I broke up w/her.  She cried.  I said sorry but she wont accept.  The like 1 day later she said it was ok!"

          The second Post-it reads:

"Next part : another girl asked me out, then she wants to go on a date.  But I was busy and she was angry and she broke up w/me.  The End"

          Oh, the drama of teenage life...