LIBRARY PRODUCT OF THE MONTH : Triple dose

     I was flipping through the Library Store catalog, and these are my picks. None of them could be here in person to accept the honor, but I'm okay with that.
ABSORENE BOOK CLEANER
     Looks like Play-Doh! I totally wanna play with that. But it also looks kinda gross, like some creepy medical supply thing. Or The Blob. I can only hope someone names their daughter "Absorene."
     I'm not sure how to use it, but someone has helpfully rolled up a little blobby cylinder of Absorene and placed it in the picture, so maybe that's what you're supposed to do. And then eat it.
BOOK SYRINGE
     This book syringe comes with glue, with which to inject books with faulty binding. The syringe helps you get the glue into those tight spinal areas with accuracy, so you don't accidentally paralyze the book. There is a side effect I should warn you of, though. If you use the syringe on the same book too many times, and then STOP injecting it, the book can go through withdrawals, and completely fall apart. Night sweats, vomiting, shitting itself. Sometimes a book just doesn't recover, and must be discarded.
CLEAN-COVER GEL
     The TRULY hip library worker uses "Clean-Cover Gel" in their HAIR. For that "original supple feel."